The world according to me

No reason

2006-04-21T23:28:00.000-07:00

So, suprisingly enough I can't really think of anything to write about. I am suprised by that because of all I've got going on right now. Changes at work (for both me and Trav), growing a human in me (and all the daily physical / emotional changes that brings), lists to make ("to do's" before the baby comes), things to buy, rooms to paint, ect...
It's actually been a little lonely latly. I guess I'm just missing people. End of the day comes and all I really want to do is lay in bed, so we haven't been too social latly. That and with the way I've been feeling (physically, ie sick to my stomach, tired, sore in places for no apparient reason) Trav and I haven't been connecting much. Maybe it's the hormones, but I feel like I've been left out of some club. Wish I could explain why, I don't preceive any wrong doing on the part of my friends. I'm really the only one in my circle at this stage of "motherhood". One other couple is due to have their first this week. So, we have that kinda in common, except that we are at such diffrent stages...That's it, no one else to have this in common with. Not that I'm looking for a bunch of "mom and me" groupies to hang with. It's just like I feel like being pregnant has me on the outs. Like others don't know how to relate to me now. Even in seeing that sentence on my screen, I feel silly for writing it, as I said I don't preceive any wrong doing by anyone, I'm not holding any grudges. Maybe it is just the hormones. When I'm around friends it's like I don't have anything but this baby thing to talk about, those are short conversations. Maybe that's just the way it is. After the baby comes maybe things will go back to what ever could be considered "normal". Maybe it will just get worse. Maybe I'm just missing my friends.

Finally a new post....

2006-03-15T20:55:00.000-08:00

So, I know it's been forever. I've been a little busy growing a human. Some might say "that's no excuse", well your right. So to make up for it here's a fun little item my sister-in-law sent me...

Updating

2006-01-11T11:36:00.000-08:00

So, a friend emailed said it was time to update my blog.....
Consider it updated.

It Happened!!!

2005-11-13T18:02:00.000-08:00

Today, 10:37 am, on the radio at the mini-mart buying smokes......
CHRISTMAS MUSIC was being played. Only 45 days till christmas.

Funniest thing ever!!!

2005-10-28T13:06:00.000-07:00

So, I had a great idea while in Disneyland...I videotaped Travis while we were on the "Tea Cup" ride. It's so hilarous, you've got to see. Really, I'm not kidding. Just click on one of the links below, depending on you connection speed. Enjoy!!

For dial up connection click here

For medium speed DSL click here

For high speed DSL or Cable click here

We'll be back home sometime on Sat. We've missed you all and look forward to being home.

Latest from the Road

2005-10-27T00:32:00.000-07:00

Us and a mask
Originally uploaded by The Vicks.

So, two days, tons of walking, tons of fun. Trav and I are on our way home tomorrow. Got into Anaheim on Monday, did the "2 day hopper" thing at Disneyland / California Adventure. Last night we went with a friend's sister to "The Improve" in Irvine. That was a lot of fun, and not all just because of the booze, although Trav was quite tipsy!!
We're heading up North to stop in Stockton, CA (the armpit of the Valley) and spend some time with my folks. And should be home by Sat night or early Sunday.
Have missed our friends, I've missed my dog, but this has been a great time. Everyone should make it a priority to "get away". Vacations Rule!!!

PS- Click on the photo so go to our "Flickr" and see the lastest pics from our trip.

Day Two

2005-10-21T09:21:00.000-07:00

So, we made it to Las Vegas in one peice and with a minimal of fighting between me and Trav. Mostly about him waking me up ever 5 minutes to show me the sites along the road.
Seeing old friends (The Wards) is great, the boy is so big!! Heading to a Breakfast Buffet then off to see the sights. I'll post more pics tonight.
By the way this post is coming to you via a highjacked wireless signal. Apperently, the next door neighbor doesn't know how to install the security on his Linksys wireless router.
VEGAS BABY!!!

Ogdon Utah

2005-10-20T09:30:00.000-07:00

Ogdon Utah
Originally uploaded by The Vicks.

So, day one of our vacation is done. Lots of driving, lots of sky, lots of miles. We stayed the night in Provo, gonna head out in about an hour. Vegas Baby!! Really looking forward to seeing some old friends.
Thought this sign was so funny. It says "Ogdon, UT I've had more fun at the Dentist!". No, I didn't write this myself. Anyhow, gotta go fix the hair and pack up for 5 more hours on the road.

Happy Birthday to "World according to me"

2005-10-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I've been blogging for a year now. Next to my marriage and breathing this is the longest I've kept doing something in years. Hope all my friends and the random but welcomed strangers will enjoy my ramblings for years to come.

Jealousy

2005-09-27T22:13:00.000-07:00

The ironic thing is the examples I see in my friends inspire me, but there's nothing there. Now, I'm not looking for sympathy or anything like that. I've felt for awhile now that my "creativity" well has been some what dry.
I find my self a little jealous of my friends. I'm not necessarily saying that my friends are more creative than me, I know I can kick "creative" ass with the best of them. I just think that they are better at expressing, writing, showing it. Maybe it's a discipline issue. I should make time to play guitar, be contemplative, and “think deep thoughts".
I don't know, as the days pass into months I find myself longing for inspiration.

Life really sucks sometimes...

2005-09-15T01:36:00.000-07:00

So, I was pregnant once. By once I mean up until about 2 weeks ago. I miscarried at 8 weeks. Yeah, thank you for the sympathy. Seriously I really appreciate all our friends and family that have been so supportive during this time. I’ve been mulling this over for a while and here’s what I have to say about the situation (at least what I can type without crying)….

First off, losing a pregnancy is really, really fucking sad. I mean SAD. I’ve dealt with “depression” most of my adult life. I have had all my Grandparents and a few acquaintances past away. I’ve been ignored, rejected, in fear for my life, and through all the pains and trials that comes with living life. And I’ve never felt like this!!! It’s not like I’m sitting around crying all day. Although I do tear up at almost all “heart string tugging” TV ads these days. It’s like this bubble of heaviness. It surrounds me and every now and again I’m aware I’m floating in it. I took a few weeks off of work, tried to “take it easy” let my body go through what it needed to. Again, thank you so much to all our loved ones who brought us food, cleaned our house, said a prayer…It has helped during this time. I do understand that this is a grieving period, and will not last forever. I’m just amazed by the sadness. Does that make sense? I never knew I could be this sad.

I think what’s been the hardest for me is two things really.

One is that losing the baby was completely out of my control. There was no way I could have stopped the miscarriage. I wouldn’t call myself a “control freak” (some of my friends might), it’s the frustration of the unknown. Not knowing why it happened is so hard. But then again when has “Life” ever given any of us “all the answers”.

Secondly what I’m finding most surreal about all this is that the baby is just gone. Just like that everything that came with having a child is stopped. Planning a nursery theme, daydreaming what the next 8 months would bring. Planning for the delivery, for being a parent, it’s all put on hold. When someone who’s lives some years on earth dies, there are tangible memories to hold on to. When you lose an unborn child, all you’re left with are daydreams and wishes. There are material things; books on pregnancy and “the first years”, gifts from well-wishing friends, cute little outfits bought in joy and excitement. All those things now are tucked away in a spare drawer, until next time.

Well, there’s my process on all this… What I’ve come to so far anyway. We are going to “try again”. My husband and I so do want to be parents. And we believe that it will happen for us. What is that saying “Life is what happens to you when…” fill in your own blank. It’s late, I can’t type anymore.

Lightning face

2005-09-09T00:35:00.000-07:00

Lightning face
Originally uploaded by The Vicks.

Me and Thad thought it would be fun to play with his new Lazer pointer and my new ditigal camera. Click on the pic to see more in my "Flickr".

Happy Birthday Love!

2005-07-30T14:31:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to shout to the world that I love this man. Happy 32ed Travis!!

Nothing note worthy

2005-07-05T08:43:00.000-07:00

So, just posting for "posting" sake. My 4th was fun. Good food, good company, good times. It's been really beautiful out the last few days, planning on sitting in the sun and reading today. I've gotten addicted to the "Left Behind" series. I know, I am ashamed!! It's not C.S Lewis or anything, but it's a quick read. Been meaning to get to the Libary to check out "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" I want to read the book before the movie comes out, I hear it's so diffrent than the last movie. I want a refrence base before I see the movie.
We're hoping to take a vacation at the end of the summer. Maybe Hawii, maybe just Disneyland. It should be fun anyway, out of town time with my husband always is!!
Thought for the day: Ok after 5 minutes of staring at the screen, I have nothing profound to post "thought" wise. Maybe after a few more cups of coffee I've find something deep within. Or maybe it will find it's way out, coffee being a diarrhetic and all.

A day in the life of my thumb...

2005-06-23T11:14:00.000-07:00

Get up in the morning...

Have a cup of Joe...

Check the weather for the day...

Gotta run to the store...

Trusty lighter...

Have a smoke...

Play a little PS2.....

Icons

2005-06-22T23:42:00.000-07:00

So, I was sitting in the vet's waiting room tonight. Waiting to have Joe's shots updated. And I flipped through the recent "People" mag. Anne Bancroft died last week. You know "Mrs. Robinson" from the 69' classic "The Graduate". She was married to Mel Brooks. Anyhow, it got me thinking about how many "icons" have passed in my lifetime. All 33 years of it.
People who really had an impact on my generation's childhood/addolence. People like Jim Henson, Fred Rogers, Johnny Carson, Dr.Suess. Those are just a few that come directly to mind. It's weird, in a way. Standing back and seeing soceity and the people who mold it change and pass on.
And it's really weird to try to imagine who will be those icons for my children's generation. I find it hard to picture my son or daughter (no this is my way of telling everyone I'm exspecting, I think about "my kids" knowing I don't have any yet) my age years from know saying "Wow, Cameron Diez died yesterday". A part of me feels this, well, sadness. Guess it's all a part of comming to the realization that things will never be like they once were.

I'm creative!!

2005-06-14T15:00:00.000-07:00

Old Church

I've had to remind myself lately that I'm actually good at something, or at least I used to be!!

About me.

2005-06-14T14:59:00.000-07:00

I know this is like so "last month", I figure better late than never!!

Snuck out of the house?
Yes, ran away to my Aunt’s house cause my parents wouldn’t let me watch
Donald Duck. I was like 11 or 12.
Gotten lost in your city?
Yes, I’ve found many new ways not to get to 82ed
Seen a shooting star?
Yes, last one was awesome!!
Been to any other countries besides the United States?
Mexico for a summer.
Had a serious surgery?
Had a steel rod installed in my femur bone after making a leg sandwich. It went; the brick wall, my leg, the motorcycle.
Gone out in public in your pajamas?
Not since I was like 6.
Kissed a stranger?
Does kissing strange people count?
Hugged a stranger?
Define “Hug”.
Been in a fist fight?
In 3 that I can remember. Two in Middle School, one Freshman year. I’m 2 for 3, if you must keep score.
Been arrested?
Kinda, pulled a knife out in the fight Freshman year, got taken to police station, never charged!
Laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose?
Yes, hurts like a mother.
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?
Yeah, but it was only a 3 story building.
Swore at your parents?
As in curse? Many times, a few were even to their faces!!
Been in love?
Yes
Been close to love?
Yes
Been to a casino?
Yes, honeymooned in Vegas. Been to the Indian ones in OR & CA. Our government takes their land and 100 years later lets them gamble for a living. Go figure!!
Been skydiving?
No, kinda afraid of heights.
Skinny-dipped?
Not that I can recall
Skipped school?
Who didn’t??
Seen a therapist?
From time to time, some would say not enough.
Done the splits?
When I was a kid.
Played spin the bottle?
Only with myself.
Gotten stitches?
Totally sliced my hand when I was 5 it took like 15 stitches!!
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour?
No – who’s ever that thirsty for milk??
Bitten someone?
Yes, only in bed
Been to Niagara Falls?
Seen pictures in the Encyclopedia isn’t that the same thing?
Gotten the chicken pox?
Twice!!
Kissed a member of the opposite sex?
I don’t kiss and tell
Crashed into a friend's car?
Just a little bump now and again
Been to Japan?
No
Ridden in a taxi?
Yes, but never in the front seat.
Been dumped?
Who ever says “no” is lying!!
Shoplifted?
No
Been fired?
Yes, “damn the man”.
Had a crush on someone of the same sex?
Define “crush”
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?
What are “feelings”???
Gone on a blind date?
Never
Lied to a friend?
Yes, but it was for their own good!!
Had a crush on a teacher?
No, I was home schooled and that would be sick!! (Just kidding, it wouldn’t be that wrong)
Celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans?
No, but would love to some day.
Been to Europe?
Does “Olive Garden” count, I hear it looks just like the real thing.
Slept with a co-worker?
No, but I have fallen asleep at work before.
Been married?
Yes, still am.
Gotten divorced?
Don’t plan on it, ever!
Had children?
Currently trying, if anyone has any pointers, please email me!
Seen someone die?
No, never even seen a dead body
Had a close friend die?
No
Been to Africa?
No, would love to live there some day though
Driven over 400 miles in one day?
Yes, and more
Been on a plane?
Yes
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Only on video
Thrown up in a bar?
I try to wait till I’m in my ride’s car on the way home!
Purposely set a part of myself on fire?
No
Eaten Sushi?
Gross!!
Been skiing/snowboarding?
Tried skiing once, I don’t see what the big deal is
Met someone in person from the internet?
Yes
Lost a child?
No, I did misplace a cousin once.
Gone to college?
Here and there
Graduated college?
Graduated the “School of Hard Knocks” that count?
Fired a gun?
Once when I was drunk
Purposely hurt yourself?
Kinda
Taken painkillers?
Yes, Ibuprofin is our friend!!

Frustration!

2005-06-13T11:30:00.000-07:00

Just a quick thought...I think the state of California should refund my parents all the money they took out in taxes toward my education. I'm sitting here, posting responces to blogs, and finding I can't spell for shit!!! It's so bad, there have been a few times when I can't even find the word in the 4 inch think dictionary that's permently sitting next to my laptop for necessity sake. I know what your first thought is "why not use spellcheck?". Well, as I said, I'm such a bad speller, that spellcheck doesn't help cause I'm not even close to the correct spelling!

"Myspace" site

2005-06-12T01:37:00.000-07:00

So, I've joined yet another "blog" type site. It's Myspace.com. All my friends are doing it!! It's more of a meeting place I think than a blog site. I'll be uploading photos there mostly, mainly cause I can figure out how to add photos to my blog here at blogspot. Damn HTML!! Anyhow, it's "http://www.myspace.com/18240817". Feel free to join my "Friend's List" I could always use more friends!!!

Been a while....

2005-05-16T23:17:00.000-07:00

So, I’m sick, again!! Seems like every time I see my nephews I end up with a cold. This latest one has had me out of commission for the last week.
Anyhow, not much blog worthy going on in the confines of my house. My dog is really funny and cute!! At least I think so; apparently his tendency at biting has a few friends thinking he’s not that fun. And he’s been good company while I’ve been sick. There’s actually a lot going on in my head that I really don’t want to post. I’m afraid that if those around me knew what went on in my thoughts that they would think less of me. I’m not thinking about killing myself or anything like that; so don’t go calling Social Services! Just worried about some things, wondering about some things, wishing some things were different. Wishing I was different. Thing is I have a pretty good life, great husband, great friends, great house. I think I’m just going through a pre midlife crisis. I’m turning 33 this Sat. don’t really know how I feel about that, haven’t given much thought to it. Well, guess I should wrap up now. Just wanted to post something, it’s been a while. Hopefully I’ll be more profound next time.

Serenity

2005-05-06T01:28:00.000-07:00

So, (yes back to my infamous starting word), I had the opportunity to see a movie last night 4 months before it’s to be released. It’s Joss Whedton’s “Serenity”. Based on the Fox TV show “Firefly”. For those of you who are scratching your head’s right now wondering “Firewhat”. First off…where the hell have you been! Scolding over, “Firefly” was a one-season show that Fox was stupid enough to cancel. If you’ve ever seen “Buffy” or “Angel” you would know Joss’s style. It was based in the Future, with a western flair. I’m terrible at describing shows. You should just get Netflixs and rent the entire series.
Back to the movie. It was a pre-release, showing only in ten cities, Portland being one of them. It was a lot of fun!!! It’s really hard though, seeing a movie and not being able to talk to any of my friends about it. Bonika St James would kill me if I tell her a single thing, so no spoilers here. I’ll just say if you’re a fan, you’ll LOVE it, and if you’ve never seen anything by Joss Whedton you’ll LOVE it!!! I just wanted to say that it was really cool going to a pre-screening. We got to fill out a feedback form, got free stuff (check eBay for listings soon, Ha Ha). Most of all it was really great being in a theater with 300 other people who really enjoyed the movie. There were no distractions; every one even squashed the laughter so you could hear the dialogue. It was a great time!! I’ll make sure to post about what the movie is actually about when it comes out.

The Office

2005-04-27T13:45:00.000-07:00

A very generous friend let me borrow their box set of the BBC's "The Office". Funny, yes. But in that ‘I can't believe such annoying people are allowed to exist’ kind of way. It's really good, especially if you like British humor. Even if you don't, which I never really have, never really understood any of it!! It is very funny, very relatable. Thing is, I'm sitting here watching the most unprofessional, improper behavior to be displayed in public, and I’m dumbfounded that I was fired cause a VP overheard me say “Damn the man” to a co-worker in the elevator on the way back in from a break.
Best quotes from Season one…
“It’s better to be at the bottom of a latter you want to climb, than half way up a latter you don’t” – Dawn (about her fight with her boyfriend/fiancé)
“I could catch a monkey” – Gareth

Feelings & Actions

2005-04-02T01:24:00.000-08:00

So, yes I realize that I start most of my blogs with “so”. What can I say; I’m not too creative. …. So, I’ve never really mentioned my beliefs before in a blog. But I feel it’s necessary to relate where I’m coming from with what I want to say.
I am a Christian, for lack of a better word to describe my beliefs. I believe that Jesus is the Son of God that He died for my sins, raised from the grave and sits at the right hand of the Father. That’s the basics. With that I also feel very strongly about how we should treat others. I strive to follow the advice giving in the New Testament, to live a life worthy of the gift of Life I have been given. I often fail, which is OK, great thing about God, he loves me no matter what!!
With all that being said, probably too much, let me get to the point I wanted to send out into cyberspace. The other day I was talking to a friend, a fellow believer, and expressed my feelings of hurt about the fact that I had called them a few times and had not had my calls returned. This person said in so many words that I shouldn’t accept those feelings. I took this to say that I was wrong to have feelings that they were outside of myself, and caused by a “third” party. I would get into that “third party” but that’s not my purpose here today, and would need a blog all of it’s own!!
Anyhow, my point…Emotions are not bad!! They are not sinful; the Bible clearly states that Jesus had a full range of emotions. He wept, at the fact that the people rejected him (much like someone not returning someone’s call). He was angry and expressed it, toward the merchants at the temple that were cheating people with dishonest business practices. Numerous times we see in the Bible that Jesus was “pleased”, happy in situations. He was anxious and worried in the garden the night before His death. Jesus felt the full range of human emotion, and He was without sin. I therefore deduce that Feelings are not sinful!! It’s what we do with those feelings, what actions we allow ourselves to do. Jesus never sinned, never acted in a sinful manor out of the emotions He was feeling.
In my opinion to respond to a friend that expresses a feeling in a manor that deflects the connection between your actions and the feelings of another, is to disvalue the friend who communicated and what they are feeling. Actions or lack of action, have consequences.
Well, my venting as deflated and I really don’t know where I’m going anymore. I guess to wrap up, I would just like to throw out there the idea that there is an epidemically need for individuals to take responsibility for their actions. To accept the consequences!This is a worldwide problem. How often do I lie, dodge, fake, or ignore, uncomfortable situations that are the direct result of my actions? That’s a question I try to ask myself on a regular basis, I think it’s a question worth asking.

"FRIENDS"

2005-03-30T13:24:00.000-08:00

So, I’m a huge “Friends” fan. Some who know me might describe my enjoyment of the show as obsessive, or fanatical… I just think it’s really funny. At least till season 9 or so. But anyway, I just wanted to share my current thoughts on the show.
For all it’s humor, and witty dialogue, “Friends” is totally a riot. My husband does this thing when we’re watching T.V. He’ll analyze the commercials, pointing out how unrealistic they are. Well, I guess that’s what I want to do here today with “Friends”.
There is really only one thing about the show that constantly nags at me in the back of my mind as I’m watching. That is how much time they all spend together. I don’t see my Husband as much as Phoebe sees Monica, and they don’t even live together. (Well they did for a while in Season 7 after a fire Rachel’s hair straightener started destroyed Phoebe’s apartment). Really who spends that much time with their friends like that? How many of us out there will get up, get ready for work, and then head over to a friend’s place for a two hour breakfast. Every day!!! Half the time people don’t even return my phone calls, let alone hang out at my place all day for no reason. Now, I know if I needed them I have people who would be there for me, we just don’t spend every waking moment together. Weather that’s right or wrong, I don’t know. I think for all it’s outrageousness in this area that the show does show what friendship is, and means. Unlike “Seinfeld” don’t even get me started on that show!!

Thoughts on the drive

2005-03-16T16:26:00.000-08:00

So, I went to the beach this weekend. It was an o.k. time. Drove back alone and had a thought on the drive.
Have you ever been driving in the Mountains and notice all the little dirt roads that take you off the main windy road your on? Do you do like I do and try to see through the woods where the road leads? Wonder what's at the end of it. Then there are the roads with gates, or barbwire, or big rocks blocking access.Here's my thought, is Life like those roads? You never really can know where they lead or how they travel until you’re on the road.
I think the roads could also represent people...To really get to know someone you first have to be willing to get off the "road" your traveling, then the "road" itself isn't always a easy ride. Sometime it's paved, you have lots in common, find a bond, get each other. Some people have impassable gates staring at you, daring you to even try to enter. Then there are the relationships that over time have the road change. There can be miles of smooth road, the boom, potholes galore.
Of late I haven’t really wanted to even take a drive in the country. And it seems like when ever I do extent myself, all I find are roadblocks. Mostly I think I just miss having someone on the drive with me!! I have good friends that have stood the test of time and distance. Currently most live very far away and connecting isn’t always the same via email. And the few that are in town, well, it’s been a tough winter for everyone. I totally understand, and am grateful to be able to be support for those I love. No real conclusion, I know that I’ll continue to think on these things for a while. Next time you’re in the Mountains, take notice of the little dirt side roads, and let your self wonder!!

To Be Or Not To Be...Clueless?

2005-03-01T22:42:00.000-08:00

Man, I wish I was one of those people you might notice…The kind of person you can tell by their walk, or the way they use their hands when they talk, that they are not really all there. A person totally void of the realization of reality. CLUELESS!!!
Then if I were Clueless, maybe life wouldn’t bother me so much. And I would just float through my days without a care in the world, not noticing how seemingly unfair, unkind, and unjust the world is.
Alas, I am not such a person. And the events of the last few days have been so in my face, my head is spinning. Found out Monday morning that a friend died after a long struggle with cancer. Just the fact that someone so young (5 years younger than me), with so much drive and desire to help bring positive change into the life of others was struck with this horrible life robber makes me grind my teeth. My Clueless mindset would have saved me the inner struggle of hoping a miracle would happen, and the harsh shutter of the reality that it won’t. I was never super close to her; our main connection was that we shared a few of the same close friends. Never knew what to say when I saw her, words seemed to fail! How do you express to someone how sorry you feel for him or her? What purpose would it serve to use air pushed out the lungs, forced through the teeth to feebly communicate your anger, sadness, confusion at the situation. How do you tell some one your praying for them, hoping to God for a miracle, and in your head your cursing the same God that would allow such a thing to happen to one who deserved a ticker tape parade for all they had survived in life, not more affliction. I am thankful that her struggle has ended. But, I feel that I will always be on some level angered by all this. That she didn’t get to see all her dreams come true, that her husband has to go on without her. That the world has been robbed of the future she should have had.
If I were Clueless, the fact that killers, and molesters, and the scum of the earth get to have days she didn’t, wouldn’t bother me to the point of screaming. Life and what happens when you least expect it would come and go… blissfully unnoticed by me.

Then again if I were CLUELESS, I would be oblivious to the very things that made knowing her such a treasure. I wouldn’t be able in my state of dull air headed bliss to comprehend the weight and measure of all that made her life so full. I just wouldn’t get the wonderful and beautiful expression of commitment that was exemplified in her life with her husband. I would be unable to appreciate the inner strength and determination she possessed to not quit when life was hard. Unnoticed by me would go her loyalty to her friends and conviction of her beliefs. All the richness that was her life would be nothing more than fool’s gold to me. I would lack the ability to appreciate who she was and all she added to my life. She was the one who hours after my Wedding Rehearsal was over, sat in an unheated church (it was Jan, and snowing outside), putting together by Wedding Bouquet and Bridesmaid arrangement. Her kind words and advice would have fallen on deaf ears. The give and take of being Clueless, you just don’t get it. The Good doesn’t bring hope, and effect change in you life. The Bad doesn’t affect you, or give you the chance to grow. If I were truly Clueless, I could be of no help or comfort to those I care about who now are faced with the daunting task of going on living. My words would have no compassion, my actions any love. I would be a shell of a person, a chemical based machine, taking up space.
I think I’ll remain in the realm of having a clue. All be it a seeming small one most the time. I’ll take what I can from life; do my best at letting the Good in my life encourage me to bring Good to others, allowing the Bad to teach me lessons worth the knowing. I’ll remain in the deep end of reality, with the arm floaties of pain and experience teaching me to swim. Taking notice of things that bring emotions of sadness, experiencing the fullness of feeling all feelings. Allowing pain, and tears. Sharing joy and laughter. Appreciating the blessings given to me, not taking a sunset, or flower, or moment spent with those I love for granted. Such is my hope. Such is my resolve.
Thank you Michelle for the time you spent in this reality. For who you were, and strived to be. For sharing your self with so many. If there is any fairness, or kindness, or justice in the world…you are now in a place of fullness of understanding just what you meant to so many.

When will it end???

2005-02-15T17:25:00.000-08:00

So, I'm blogging at the taunting request of a few friends that pointed out I haven't in a long while.
I'm sick, going on two weeks now. Isn't it funny how when your sick you quickly forget what it feels like not to be sick. And when your well, you forget what being sick is like. I just wish I knew when it will be over. Every morning I wake up hoping today I'll feel normal again. My poor husband, he's been so great at taking care of me, and putting up with my late night coughing fits.
Well, that's all I have to say for now. Hopefully when I'm better I'll have more to interesting things to write about.

Traffic song

2004-11-26T22:36:00.000-08:00

I came up with these lyrics while taking a friend home the other day. We were complaining about this truck that couldn't pick a lane to drive in. She said "yeah, he's a traffic weaver" I thought she called him a "traffic beaver" and this is where the mis-hearing led......

He's a Traffic Beaver, just a Traffic Beaver
He's a lane weaver.
That Traffic Beaver, blocks your way and you say,
Damn! Damn! Damn!

There goes that Traffic Beaver, big lane weaver.
Don't believe the turn signal, it's a deceiver....
That Traffic Beaver..
Damn! Damn! Damn!

I don't have the tune for my song, if you have any music ideas please let me know.

Ever wonder???

2004-11-26T22:27:00.000-08:00

Ever wonder why drunk people are annoying when your sober, and side-splitting funny when your not???

Ever wonder how a family is supposed to enjoy Thanksgiving Day together, and still be able to stand in line at 2:30 am that morning to be the first 100 to get into _________ (insert any overpriced, sub qualitiy chain retailer) ???

Ever wonder how it is that the laugh of a child wipes away the gray???

Ever wonder if that first Thanksgiving really was on a Thursday???

Ever wonder what your dog is thinking as he watches you get out of the shower???

Weekend happenings.

2004-10-09T19:11:00.000-07:00

Not much going on. Got called in to work at the "on again, off again" job. Not too much to complain about, gets me out of the house! And extra money is always good. All in all I'm thankful for the chance to work again.
Fun Saterday of running errons with the hubby, and the a friend's bridal shower. My spouse and I have been going round weather or not a "Jeep Liberty" or "Jeep Charokee" is the next new car for us. He thinks the "Liberty" is better, and bigger. I disagree. Only way to figure it out really is to go to a dealership and deal with the dreaded sales staff long enought to test drive them both.
Shower was fun!! Good times, with good people. Came home to Hubby watching "The Last Samerai". Caught the sad ending. Now I'm debating what to do. Should go and get some work in on my online auctions. Would rather just crawl into the warm covers and watch "Friends".
Speaking of "Friends", I'm a huge fan. Those who know me best would say I'm a freak about it, I disagree. It's just a really funny show!!
Man is this the boringest ever?? I need to remember to log on when I'm at my most witty!

The start of something....great?!?

2004-10-06T14:32:00.000-07:00

So... here's my first entry into the world of blogging. I figure what the heck all my friend's are doing it. That was reason enough for the drugs and the bridge jumping, how could blogging turn out any worse.
Here I am again, home. Been without work for so long just to have a "job" for 3 days. Just to be without work again. Man, does daytime TV suck!!! Anyhow just wanted to get this all set up and see if it works.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Ever feel like a earth worm. Life brings the rain that you strive though the mud to reach, just to end up fried in the hot sun the next day.